Wisdom for the Pedestrian Mama (from my new Texas neighborhood)

We have been living in Texas for six weeks now. We’re practically natives, right? I am slowly getting Texified, and I love it. I’ve been getting out just about every day for walks (well, being a one-car family helps encourage that habit) by myself and with the kids. That means I’m also getting tan and fit, lots of fresh air and think time – ahhhh! Warm climates really suit me. Anyway, I’ve had some funny, perhaps distinctly Texas experiences on my walks and I thought I’d make light of it so we can all have a laugh. Maybe you’ve had similar experiences out on your walks. Maybe only if you’re in Texas, come to think of it….

So here goes, my “wisdom” for the pedestrian (Texas) mama….

1) A “house dress” is perfectly acceptable pedestrian attire.
2) The only people outside before 8:00 am are landscapers, that lady in her nightgown moving the sprinkler, and an older gentleman in shorts and knee socks walking toward you with no apparent destination in mind.
3) If you’re walking too fast, or with purpose – just be forewarned – the guy in the knee socks will probably stop you, concerned to know if you’re okay.
4) If you can’t find your mace to prepare for an attack on the stray pit bull that approached you yesterday, pack a kitchen knife; it’s perfectly acceptable.
5) Who needs sidewalks? You can hear that truck rumbling toward you from at least two blocks away! Just be prepared to pull over and make room for him to speed by.
6) Is it a bird? A plane? Oh Lord – a plague of locusts?!?!?! Whoa, whoa, whoa…now it’s not necessarily a ‘plague.’ At least I don’t think so. It’s just a swarm – well, let’s say *group* of rather large grasshoppers – all flying in different directions around you. Simply keep focused straight ahead and keep walking. Sure, one of them might fly directly into your forehead, but no worries; he’ll bounce off.
7) When crossing an intersection, do not assume the pedestrian walk sign means it’s safe to walk. Oh no, the opportunity to yield on green is more valuable than your very life! And as you’re flinging your baby stroller out of the path of that truck, stumbling backward toward the curb, the driver – barely missing the opportunity to crush your baby as he roars by will wave a perfunctory “sorry.” Or was that “hello?” The good news is, you’ll already be out of the way of the lady in the sedan flying through right behind him. She doesn’t wave, though.

So…next time you’re in Texas, if you see a lady walking fast, wielding a knife while waving off locusts (or shaking her fist at a truck passing by) just smile and wave. It could be me!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s